plateau

Take me somewhere
A place where my thoughts would run like water
Serene and simple; harmless and unabashed.
Take me where these clamour would dissipate to no promises
when I try to gather them together, they slip through my fingers
Like they don’t care if sanity is compromised
How could anyone relish the idea of being a different person then
Why do people make you feel like you should have started differently?
Why did I allow myself to feel that?
Is it regret? Is it hope?
Pass on a new blank slate
I want to start again
Just be careful and promises me no promises

For that I Am Grateful

We lift our hands up to the sky to catch the energy we always yearn to keep. Someday you’ll catch them given the perfect timing. Today I woke up looking at it differently. The clouds suddenly forming one slit smile, staring directly at me. Some crumbled like cheeks packed with enthusiasm. All the light is melting the heavy I’ve carried for quite a long time.
Then there’s you. You reminded me of how silly things could be and how we could turn things around. I was there sitting undeserving of your sunny sweet drippings but you never allowed me to feel that in any way possible. I don’t understand myself often but you pave the way to clarity. What’s wrong with you? You make mistakes by being so perfect in your own little way. For that I am grateful. 

Bittersweet.

He kept singing. Telling me that if I feel like l’m falling apart and can’t stand it anymore; just call his name and he will be there; to look into his eyes and find that I am not the only one; that he is just like me.
It’s my mistake. Only fools fall for you.

He kept looking at me which always sends shivers down my spine. Then I gain some interest; growing them like my green thumb is made for nurturing every dying being.
It’s my mistake. Only fools fall for you.

He kept calling me every night with deep exasperation. Telling me stories of his despair to mirror mine and keep me sane. Making me feel elated eveytime he smiles when I am always on the other side of the city; dreaming and imagining his every reaction like he’s in front of me. It reeks with every false hope. He just made me another terminal, a station for wagging his tail off.
It’s my mistake. Only fools fall for you.

He keeps those tears balling up in the corner of his eyes making me feel vulnerable with every possible honest reaction I need to muster. I yearn to be as raw and earnest as possible especially with him. Only to find out, he enjoy being with his company. Rigid and Futile. Another emotional investment caught and withdrawn.
It’s my mistake. Only fools fall for you.

It was his impulse control issues perhaps. I’m a dupe to allow it on my system and routines.  It’s my mistake. Only fools fall for you.

Oh Brother.

Dear Brother, dont be afraid.
I know there a lot of things you are afraid of. You keep your chest afloat, hands firm and your chin to the sky everytime you face an adverse feeling. Knowing that someone out there is your only cure.
Dear Brother, dont be afraid.
Don’t drown yourself with every bottle of whisky just to put yourself to sleep. Free your mind of these hollow thoughts, there are more to the world than you putting too much energy and attention for everyone to see. Give yourself lots to think about, to worry about, to complain about, to live without. Rest my brother and I know thinking too much is costing your every breath. So don’t reprieve yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of something you can never regain. Don’t let anyone let you feel that you don’t have the right to be loved, that you don’t deserve to be cared for.
Oh Brother, don’t be afraid. We are here. You can cry on our shoulders even if it means carrying the weight of the world. Don’t hesitate. Don’t be afraid.
Oh brother, don’t fret. Don’t falter, we will still be here even if it’s not tantamount to her presence, we will still be here.

You and Me are Golden.

When our worlds collide I know, I feel, we are healed. We share the same fears – to be left behind; sadness – to be alone and strength – to be loved.
I know we all yearn that someday we will all find the better meaning to what we feel today. We know there is a slight hint but we find it hard to accept the truth but by sharing it to another vessel, everything makes sense, everything you feel is validated. You knew somehow your existence mattered.
Every song encapsulated every fond memory you both shared and somehow, after it ended, broke the tiniest and most important part of your soul.
Hold on. Close your eyes and everything you wish for will come true with every dash of hope painted in your heart.
Pray eagerly. Someday these guidance will lead you to a better golden path to follow. Somewhere out there is a greener field.
Breathe in the Hope. I know it takes a lot to take. That somehow it makes you feel like the world is breathing in some courage to muster with you. Take it. Take it with you together with all your sorrows. Somehow, someday it will be cleared. Somehow somewhere you will be free of heavy and lightness. Somehow, someday, you will have the happiness you ever wanted with someone you never dreamed to be with.
You and Me are Golden. We can make great things together. We will live forever. We are invincible, you and me.

27. Perhaps.

Perhaps I don’t accept rejection as an answer.
Even if you tried many hard times to push me away, I keep coming back.
Perhaps, I’m just sick. Emotionally unstable, psychologically needy, and socially awkward and that only you can unravel me.
Perhaps, a single hello and I miss you would heal the sores. It wrinkles my hands and palm for writing too much about you and not even a single sheet would stand as a better witness to know how much I bleed everytime I think of you.
Perhaps, I have been training myself to be alone since 10. Eating alone at lunch tables, and enjoying the blissfulness of the quiet while imagining about us meeting together for the very first time.
Perhaps. It is as scary as discovering you are blind for the very first time. Knowing that the darkness, and the color black is your only posession to withheld. Taking a step is as daunting as saying my first inconceivable words to impress you.
Perhaps. It is as hopeful as every rainbow after each diligent rain. That even if you know there are still one to many stations for your bus to arrive, even if you know that the time is moving so slow, in the end you will still meet him.  Staring at the horizon. Racing on a field full of emptiness and that somewhere out there you will stand waiting to pick up my pieces.
Perhaps you will never cut me loose.
Perhaps someday you will reach out and touch.
Perhaps..

27. Dear No One.

Dear No One
My ears are bleeding listening to the same old song.
I want to go back.
I want to take it back!
Dear No One
You got me crumbling inside my shell.
I forgot how dangerous and sagacious it is to test the water.
All you left me is a penny of uncertainty.
My only symbol of repression from you.
Dear No One
Take a chance
When you feel like trying again, reach out
We’ll build another block of old memories together.
Dear No One
Whoever you are, wherever you go, whatever you do, I hope you’re happy with him.
Dear No One
Today, I will stop waiting for you.
I didn’t know that by wanting you I would lose my Self Respect.
Today I’d be going..
Dear No One
I am a Man who always has something to say.
Today I’m tongue tied.
Mind is clouded. Couldn’t find the right words to say. Maybe I’m done looking. Tired of searching.
Dear No One
You have invaded my space, even the air out of my lungs is clogged.
Each toggle and turn from every passage now holds every facade of your existence.
I can’t even get a good grip of my favorite pen.
Dear No One
I’m done. Tired of your old promises.